Monday, September 3, 2018
~it never goes back
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| a story |
I never thought that one step can really change the whole life's direction. That one step that we always take has its own surplus or deficiency. A 22-years old me went out to pursue my master degree. I left Indonesia for a place that I’ve never been to.
H O M E
I ought to leave home, leaving every remaining stuff and leaving the people inside to a faraway place. I knew that it’s only a temporary leaving. But, it's neither a short temporary.
That was my first time leaving home out of the country. I remembered how miraculous this opportunity was and how was this 22 years old of me dared to take it. My family took me to the airport.
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P R O C E S S
I must survive and finish this mission. That was my goal. Finishing a mission means that I need to go through every needed process. In the chemical process, the material is boiled, heated, crushed, etc. In the production, the material is cut, bent, shaped, etc. A process shall bring an added value to the initial material. These processes that I've been through taught me many things. Are you willing to walk in every step or stop it when you feel that you can do it anymore? Every algorithm opens with a START and closes with a STOP. Many possibilities can be put in the sequence. But, the result can only be retrieved with a YES go option.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
-Isaiah 41:10-
Now, I realized that I grew up to be more of an independent girl, to be more of a thoughtful girl, to be more a careful girl, to be more a more merciful girl. Leading my life to be a more positive life!
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P R E S E N C E
On one side, a part of me was shaking and something was missing. Whenever my birthday came, I felt a little bit sad as my family was not with me. Same goes for their birthday, I was absent. I felt sorry.
Sometimes I missed my old days back in high school. The time when everyday was staying at home, eating at home, and doing most other things at home.
Years passed by. I saw my sister went to university and another one graduated with her bachelor degree. None of those graduations I could attend, sad. I just can pray, support, and cherish them from afar.
I really appreciate a presence
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F R I E N D S
Although the internet was a very helpful innovation, being in the presence and just seeing on social media was a big difference. I am a type who like to have a quality time, to spend time, to make a memory. It was a good gift from God through my current company that I could purchase a free Polaroid Camera, to a shot the only moment.
I missed those time when on holiday we can hang up together. I missed those time to meet them in our 22 years old, 23 years old, and 24 years old. I also missed those time when they got married and had a new family. A part of me feels sad, truthfully. All that I can do is just seeing those moments only from social media.
WHAT WERE GONE, WHAT ARE COMING
I know that God never leaves me alone nor neglect me. For what things were gone, He sent me some new things coming.
I never expected to have many memories in Taiwan at first, but I did! Those experiences, memories, laugh, cry, struggle that I would not face should I did not go back then. So grateful.
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G R O W I N G
I am not that 22-years old girl anymore, with fears and shaking heart. I’m 25 now. Age makes us grow physically, but not physiologically. How we fill each moment in every age matters. Will you be daring to grow or just stay?
I hope to be a more positive person, a person who dares to take one step ahead, a person who date to take another mile, a person who cherish my every second.
Time is not fast. It is not slow. It is perfect in its own pace. Being merciful. Don’t try to just waste it away, it never turns back.
Stephanie, Y.
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